NM Esc

CAR EMOJI (🚗 🌅 )

yr hand on my leg turns the car

towards a springsteen kind of freedom

while i blue moon a cheap sopranos year

the death count rises & the sun

drips like hot sauce into a mezcal sea

peel back chewier skin

of carefree passport stamp nostalgia:

“nothing tastes as good as open borders feel”

& run across sixteen unyielding lanes of LA traffic

towards a skystamped netflix logo

towards your birthday

each day demagnetizes the ol’ moral compass

but if the forecast is another year in bed

i hope that yours stays one of them

cardiac trespass into mortal heaven

significant delays ahead—

you are still on the fastest route

there are [no] better ways to die

oh babes

inside this needful weakness

we cover up each mirror on the disco ball

to push inside the slick wet rot of grief work

i brake too hard i turn too sharp i tell you everything

my earnest luscious seafoam hymn

my latex baby seal destroyer

my goodness, i am absolutely kneeling

say i deserve this love poem,

egg yolk on yr lip

In the shadow of

:: was the sky ashy pink or salmon blush

am i stable enough for (all) this gemini ::

between coasts, wide expanse

of single-family sprawl

we cross on foot, euphoric thru the knee pain

light up dance flirt from the bottom of my platform shoes

it’s goth piss girl :

buttons unbuttoned, thumb hooked thru gold chain

the way a true queen

turn this whole damn club around

if not bleach blonde, if not button-down

who is the street boy in yr mind supply

if not clear-throated on a corner, where

to place all of that gestural, that glint

i’d drive fo(u)r hours for you any day

this viole(n)t country which unsaddles me

o pale bed death, o freckled cosmonaut

in service (to), i let myself be(come)

p33p shrin3

w/ alyn mare

we pay respects

by sprinkling bisexual glitter.

& writing tribute. life is what*?

a seriou/es of ~spirals~

/ there was this dream

out in the desert / pit-

stop for a night /

or for forever

we park the truck & then we park the truck again


—i send the vamp a beej emoji

then deny it (stop DMing me,

im literally a boy) (unless yr in2 that)

a portal: liquor store / in austin / sun-tired

/ wanted / 2 believe

2 queue

outside the gig

in perpetuity.

witness /

2b witnessed

im older but i don't know any better.


the cultural value of

post-soviet peroxide

Cyrillic fashion stock

xchange. illegibility? Armani.

Von Dutch my deviated sample

kroshka, size me down—

Adidas? always like this.

three stripes bar windows upp

& down every post-soviet

Bloc. 36 story drip. bratva.

otlichno. yo moyo.

could not b less cohesive:

late fall deadpan—

it’s a lavender collapse!

unload my genders

into someones mouth. their genders

down my chest.

a floral

chain bloom. blooms

for me.


the desert / empty halfpipe /

flowers from a j*hn

in offering

:: my d0g plz let the bundle not be fentanyl

protection spell:

circle of narcan pointed towards the bathroom


sometimes its gold that does the talking ::: look @ club lights

( Daddy / Crybaby / Holy Ghost ) ::: the journey of the fool

in2 a wanting crowd /// or coast 2 coast / in2 a waiting sky /

@ night / alone / together // it burns down :: ( Hellboy 2 Ponyboy )

(like y r u DMing me im literally inside the desert)

hellboy 2 genderFr3aQuency 2 sky

in the club everyone is cancelled

water sign

forever ours to drink

up in the desert

like a superbloom

we purify this ground

in fire & purple salt

reverent / imperfect

how a body leaves / forever

& revenant / comes back


preserve this portal

caught up on the dark side of a streetlight

where nothing grows and nothing ever dies

i mean, emo

has always been a falling dumb & deep

for anyone with shared references

who understood the melodrama

is just the melodrama

is also* infinite

the endless nothing


the glittering

the glo/ass

Neon Mashurov (NM Esc) is a writer from Brooklyn and the post-Soviet diaspora, a triple Sagittarius, and a chaotic bisexual, pursuing their MFA at UCSD. Their writing has appeared in We Want It All: An Anthology of Radical Trans Poetics, The Recluse, Peach Magazine, Hobart Pulp, & elsewhere.