dumb bitch mythology
i wish i looked the way i wish i look
that’s a stupid thing to say but it just makes me
so sad all the time
a creature for no reason with eyes
it was a good night because i was vulnerable with my best friend on facetime
and no mouse has come out of that gap between the dishwasher and fridge,
then i watched a movie where the main character has tiny tits
and did a little rapturing of your image
my fantasy is better than you, relentlessly
because people never fuck the heart they way you want them to,
it’s always the bad way
which is a shame, when there’s so much divine possibility
we should continue to fuck like it’s one extended dream,
i’m sick of not talking about gods
i want mortality to be so much more romantic,
not just one little, daily grief
Said the message
Today i talked to the barista about the book i’m reading. It’s a book of poems by Cecilia Vicuña.
I thought i was embarrassing myself but he told me he too was reading a book by a conceptual
artist. Some guy who put holes in buildings. “That was all he did.” The barista was long and
golden like sand. I was so flustered i left my sunglasses at the counter.
Back home i talked to Liz on the phone about her painting called Options in Community Living.
In it is a man eating the plug for a blender and also a Minion’s naked ass. Everything today is
shot through with a literary feeling because of the sky.
It happens to be Christmas day. The emptiness of Los Angeles vibrates its stillness against
mine. I remember a childhood Christmas where my best friend and i created a town out of a
dollhouse and a cardboard box we wrote “Groceries” on. We stocked it with miniature apples
and bananas. That thing about the sexual desire to eat or be eaten— vore. Liz suggested i like
miniatures because i could eat them whole if i wanted. It really is about them being bite-sized.
Later i read on my couch until there was a knock on the door. I wanted it to be something that
it couldn’t be, so it wasn’t that. It’s nice growing older to realize how simple i am. I took two big
dogs for a walk in wet Elysian where little puddles were dancing. I noticed everyone today was
talking about angels. I hope the barista wears my sunglasses to the beach.
i think everyone really is a woman
that raw pink pussy beats in the chest
slick and open
but then all the body is pink and wet
more like nothing is a heart
and I didn’t close mine like an accordion
trapping your finger in my folds
you just snapped it off and grew a new one
and i have this thing stuck in me like a dart