Casper Lee
You were awful
Friendly to me
Disorder is key
The panic-
Lady slipped on
Pine needles
She finished her
Walk as I started mine
Thor is the god of
Whatever he is doing
At the time
Time
a tasteless seed
Spreadsheet lover
Spread-cheeks lover
I want to perish
In that ass
five minutes
turns out i’m not the only bisexual around these parts
that kept saying ‘my one friend’ about my one friend
except mary maclane i think meant her only friend
(whom she was in love with and called ‘anemone lady’)
and i meant a close friend i had a whole range of feelings for
and still do. this is the friend whose inner child needs
a happy meal. so i shop for unopened happy meal toys
from the time of our childhood and consider pressing ‘buy’
but her love language isn’t gift giving or receiving so
what difference will it make? i’ve sent her photos
of happy meals when she was distressed and she liked that
so why not just breeze through the drive-thru and ask
for a bag, just the bag to put the unopened toys in and
send it to her. maybe because it’s her parents she needed
and would the bag smell like fast food all the way
through the mail? a reconstructed happy meal across
time. hell, i’m not above a large fries at this point
i could handle a large fries. hell, food is a miracle
cooking is a miracle for some of us or it’s easy
once you’re doing it. i was trying to listen to a poet
talk about paying your muses but the internet kept
jamming and i was already reading an interview
they’d done while they were talking and the one thing
i really keep noticing, one of the things, is when people
repeat the same sound-bite but we all are or i didn’t realize
you don’t have to say it a new way every time and repetition
is necessary. my dad told me fourteen times in a row
that the wood pellet stove gets the house up to eighty
‘yep keeps mom nice and warm’
It doesn’t matter what I won’t change
Absence like text messages in mid-air
I wrote this on a plane last May
Who cares if you have gout you have more in you than anyone
I mean I matched with a truck driver on Tinder named Adrian
and she waited outside the bowling alley to see if I was cute before committing to meeting me
She wore an Adidas sweatsuit which made me feel I was finally dating for leisure
I thought maybe she smelled like weed which was confirmed a few hours later
when we went back to my accommodations
and smoked with my mom and typed in songs on YouTube by our favorite singers
The day before I went on a date with Chapter, long-haired and butch, very attractive
she picked me up in an Audi with polished paint, it was so clean inside and she drove me
out onto an island to watch the sunset and as we stopped for a deer to cross
she told me her mom had just survived a brain aneurysm i.e. she was on this date
to get a break from the hospital
we ate an expensive dinner, I had some kind of roasted vegetables
she pointed out that I was resting my breasts on the table
but I was only leaning in to hear her better
she seemed to believe she knew who I was already
My mom goes to bed early eating cinnamon candies on the couch so
that’s how I found the time to go on these dates, the most vivid part of the trip
except for when my mom didn’t know she was being racist in the taxi
and told me I’m always looking for her to do something wrong
so she can’t relax around me
I went to Adrian’s house in a Lyft, costed $20 to get there and she came out to the car
and walked me inside, treated me like a lady, but she kept the lights off for the most part
She had a sheep dog with no name who was trained to salsa dance
and has since been given away
One of her rusty truck hitches leaned against the wall and I taught her a few stretches
for the knots in her back, which was sore from all those years driving even though
she’s young and when I guided her to the wall in her bedroom which had a TV really close
to the end of the bed and a soft-fuzzy blanket in zebra’s print she said
‘watch out, there’s a gun down there and it’s loaded’ I wasn’t scared
she subsumed me, wrapped around me like vines
refigure
didn’t get gray hair til’ five came at once
on my birthday you sink and bob
like a bob bisexual haircut, a lob was bob gay?
no, he was bisexual I cut your hair when I wanted
to cut mine she loves the line hurl and gliding
the rebuffed, the big wind the penmanship
I like the note more than I like the poem
you’re allowed that what I saw was a flat picture
of you, online I told you
I’m tired of not knowing you
but you weren’t the first person I was tired of
not knowing, were you? it took me this long
dick’s a well-read man with so many experiences
and it’s not that he doesn’t like people he does
lend my patterns of voice they have assets
they do not want they want not to be possessed
I am swollen with garbage at the gas station
I want to know what I don’t have to worry about
oh the thing I need help with is touch
this is slow I need language
to start working the sensational
it’s around this age we begin to recall
its purpose to help you to do
what you already know how to do
now what is it I’m talking about
let me do you a song to make it clear
I give you my receiving
at five I didn’t want to eat a piece of jerky
got spanked for hiding it
didn’t want to say I didn’t want it