woke up and wanted to tear my walls down!
lube up some lines of wallpaper lie on them strip naked!
what would my life be like if instead
of the needlepoint unicorn tapestry I had a sign that said
rosé all day?! what the hell would my life be like
if that lamp were hot pink with a fuzzy shade??
and then I had a furry hot pink phone to match??
what if that goose print were me and a husband and 5 kids
and a freaking golden retriever all on the microsoft screensaver background?
what if I want to have 5 kids but not on the microsoft screensaver background??
what if I want a landline??? so I can make calls from my bed and ash in my comforter
and wake up first thing in the morning and make deals??? what if I lived in a castle!
do you know someone who lives in a castle I can stay in??
let me know! what if my sewing machine were a bar cart?
what if I drank whiskey in a tumbler? what if I had one of those lawyer marble things
that ping pong when you pull one end? who invented those
and why do they exist?? why are there fancy toys for adults that aren’t fun???
would I stop picking my cuticles if I had one of those? would I never get zits
if I had one of those? what if my room were a jewelry box!
what if I lived in a shoe! what if I had 5 kids and lived in a shoe!
what if the shoe was one of those toe shoes that are either really good or really bad
for running? and each of my 5 kids lived in a toe?
what if we didn’t know what to do! what if I painted my walls
blue! what if I painted my walls ecru! what if I lived in a candy house
and ate it all the time after dinner? and then in the morning patched it up
like new??? would my 5 kids like it?? would they live there too?????
and what if there was an earthquake!? and we all got candy crushed???
would we lie there together
licking our sweet little lips?
For All Intensive Purposes
I tweet I eat I wash my hands
rinse repeat my moral turpitude
is taking a teeny break
while I make a piece of toast
burnt bored of boring down on
feelings freaking in the acura
wearing in the vintage versace
ordered online to feel
velourious and my crypto coin
spiked my drink is wet
my lips are wet my larynx
is arid my lunch is eggs
again my lunch is a different
kind of eggs prepared for no
good reason it felt important it felt
woah now turpentine is airing
out my window moodily
ajar so I refrain from passing out
in a fun and cute way a blimp is going by
on the beach we pointed out blimps
like cows on the beach we ate blintzes
cheesy with extra crumbs after
swordfish hmm they went away
after the overfish mm they came back
i’m waiting in line
for bagels everything on them plus
the salt i’m writing this half-
hazardly half martyr half
dumb bitch ok…
I was taking out the trash mostly
my hair and someone blondish
Earth Day Again
all my mirrors are scum
mirrors when i look in em i see dirt
i take my reflection with
one billion grains of salt
solid sought sod all the
if u lick my face you’ll get thirsty
like when u taste the pink salt lamps
all my mirrors are greasy
mirrors when i gaze upon my face
i see smudges my face is a painting
i’m trying to oil in the highlights o i’ll boil
fifteen and half cups of tea a day
at the least least fumbling
mugs on every surface
getting more unprayerful
day by monthlong day
here comes the parallel
they say it takes ten thousand hours
to finish a day and that’s my religion
they call it mugging for the camera
because grinning that much is parasitic
teeing up teeing down teeing shirt teeing totally
my oil painting looks more like me
than the me in my grimy mirror and
it’s not even a painting of me
my mirror runs on vegetable oil
what other furniture tastes good: wood
if you loved me you’d drink my snot
pepper pep her pay up or
season yourself in san francisco good luck
climate’s password encrypted and it’s not 123
i feel my face is matte
i feel my stomach is extra glossy
i feel my mirror is a tesla
i feel my desk lamp tastes like barbecue chips
i feel becoming scum
of earth is what i want
to become: scum-one
Juliet Gelfman-Randazzo is a writer and visual artist who has recently relocated to Philadelphia. She is an MFA candidate at Rutgers University-Camden, where she is currently writing about tattooing, convention centers, and forms of adornment. Her poetry and criticism appear in dirt child, fields magazine, pan-pan press, and Pen + Brush In Print. Her audio pieces have aired on NPR, KQED, the City Arts & Lectures podcast, and The Kitchen Sisters Present podcast. She also makes clothes and objects like clothes, but not quite.